


Lay Me Beside Him

by winterandhonor



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Barnes Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, dealing with their death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6512740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterandhonor/pseuds/winterandhonor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winfred Barnes has a hard time dealing with Bucky's last wishes and letting him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lay Me Beside Him

**Author's Note:**

> So I literally just sat down and wrote this cause it has been in my mind for months. This was a procrastination tool for the 2 papers I have that are due Monday and Tuesday so.... Here you go.

Winifred Barnes sat in the back on an empty church. It had been 3 days and 10 hours since she’d read the headline announcing that Steve Rogers was dead. Little Stevie Roger’s whose nose she had wiped and belly she and filled more than a few times when she new his own mother couldn’t do the same. 

 

The first thing she had felt was immediate shock, followed by grief that lasted only a measly 5 seconds before her heart started to beat out of her chest.

Where was James? Had he died in that crash too and the press simply failed to mention it because her son wasn’t as exciting now as his friend? Was he in some bunker grieving Steve all alone? Where was _her_ baby?

 

She had forgone all her plans for that day and made her way to the Army recruitment offices. That is where young men went to get sent over there and that is where older men were dispatched to tell young widows and mothers their men were never coming home. 

She was told to go home and wait and someone would be by to speak with her family about Captain Rogers death. 

 

So they waited two days anxiously for anyone to come knocking. On the 2nd day at 5 pm a retired General whose name she couldn’t remember and an army press secretary who she would like to forget came to their door. With them they brought two folded up flags and a letter from James. The flags were handed to her husband while the General offered his condolences for their grievous loss. Explained how her son was actually MIA presumed dead and they would most likely never recover his body. Told her that she would need to put on a brave face and grieve with dignity as the world would be watching her and that they would allow their family to have their own plot to grieve at but that both boys would be ceremoniously buried in Washington. 

 

They told her that her son was brave, and had died protecting his country and his best friend. That she should feel proud of his sacrifice and that it was important to not to talk to reports about anything that may tarnish the image of Captain America. 

 

Before they walked out they handed her a letter. The last letter from her baby. She now gripped that same letter in her trembling fingers. She had read it over and over again and now here she sat. Hoping to be noticed and comforted, hoping to be ignored and unpitied. 

She got her first wish as she felt someone set down gently beside her. They placed a soft comforting hand on her shoulder as she began to weep, and for a while more they sat together in silence crying and comforting before she dried her tears. 

 

She looked up in the face of Father O’Keady. He smiled at her softly and brushed back her hair. He had always been a man of few words and he wasn’t going to be the first to speak now. 

The problem was she didn’t know where to start. To start talking about how angry she was at the world. To cry more pitiful tears until you could cry no more. Or to deal with the real reason she had come today. To deal with the contents of this letter. Her son’s last letter. His final will and testament. After a moment more of rumpling the letter in her hands she looked Father O’Keady right in the eyes and choked back a laugh. 

 

“You know,” she whispered, “I came here to ask your blessing and I just realized I really need to ask you If I’m being a bad mother.” 

 

“Why would you ever think you were a poor mother Winnie?” Father O’Keady asked taking her hand between his.

 

“James,” She sighed, “I guess since he’s… gone I should call him like everyone else. Bucky. You know I never disliked the name. Bucky. It just wasn’t that name I had given him. It’s the one he choose though.” She paused again.

 

“He wrote us a letter. He expected to…” She thought  _ die _ but said, “not come home. I want to honor his wishes, but I don’t know if I can or if…. If I should.” 

 

Father O’Keady kept quite and just squeezed her hand. 

 

“He asked that they be buried together. Should I do that? Is that wrong?” She asked gazing at him with her bloodshot watery eyes. 

 

Father O’Keady looked away and gazed toward the front of the church. “You know Winnie love takes many forms. I am not God. I wish only that they had both returned safely.”

 

Winifred Barnes stared down at the pew in front of her. It pained her that her internal conflict was so obvious. It wasn’t about that Bucky wouldn’t be buried with their family it was that they would be buried together. 

 

“People will talk.” She said

 

“People will gossip, as they always do, as they always have done.” He replied.

 

“But people already thought that….” Winfred stopped herself from saying it.

 

Father O’Keady looked back at her. “Winfred I know why you really came here now. You want me to disapprove so that you can be relieved of the burden of choosing to acknowledge them. I don’t and I won’t. Accept James and Steven as they were and as they are and as they would have been had they come home. It will help you sleep better.” 

 

Winfred Barnes covered her face and started to cry again. She had spent at least 10 years now in denial and defending her son from such allegations. How could she accept them now. How did admitting it in his death make her life any easier.

 

“Winnie,” Father O’Keady soothed, “I am not doing this to upset you. You loved them both so dearly. They loved one another. Be happy they died together.”

At that she jerked her head up to stare at him. 

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but I feel it in my heart. A true love’s broken heart never mends. That is not something to wish on anyone.” 

 

“So you don’t believe them being together… in that way… was wrong? You don’t think other people will think if I let them be buried side by side that they were that way.” She asked. 

 

“Winifred listen to me,” He said cupping her face, “People were going to say whatever they liked. Most likely now people would rather deny it than come face to face with the idea of  _ Captain America,”  _ He said it blithely like he took the idea of Captain America as some silly joke, “as a fairy.”

 

Winfred groaned, “Oh lord please don’t say that word.” 

 

“My apologizes Winnie, simply know that people will do as they like regardless of what you choose to do. I would simply suggest you honor your son and his wishes. You can not change what has happened and you can not change who he was.” 

 

Winfred wanted to hug Father O’Keady in that moment. 

 

“When your family is ready we will honor their memory and that memory can be lain to rest next to Sara Rogers if that is alright with you.”

 

“Thank you Father you helped more than you can ever know,” Winfred said squeezing his hand one last time and standing and exiting the church. 

 

One week later they buried a nearly empty box filled with a few trinkets and that final letter. It was the only thing they had left of Bucky or Steve. Winfred Barnes just hoped that if there was a next life that God would have mercy and allow them the peace together they would have never been granted on Earth.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dear Family 

 

If you’re reading this I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to leave you behind, but I didn’t really think I was coming home either. I know you’ll miss me but try not to cry to much about it. Get rid of all of my stupid old stuff I know you’re still keeping cause now I’m not coming back for it. The army will be sending you some of my junk. Throw that away too and don’t sit around crying over it.

Please take care of Steve for me. That is my most important wish. When he comes home without me take care of him. God forbid he comes home beside me lay me in the ground next to him. 

I love you all

Bucky 


End file.
